I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
