he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
