I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
