I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
