How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
