do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
