She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
