Non-Jews are for practice
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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