stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
