i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
