do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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