my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
