I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
