Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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