just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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