everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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