I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you will always have a special place in my vag
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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