Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
