i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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