I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
