I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
