This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
