I bet he comes in French.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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