FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
