Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
