and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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