This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
