I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
