is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
