My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
