Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
