dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
