I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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