i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
