i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
