Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
