After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
