i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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