I just saw a hot homeless man
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
