He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
