I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
