i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
