i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
