My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
