You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
