K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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