And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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