p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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