Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
