it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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