Jerry, you need to find god
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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