so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize