Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
