I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
