I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize