So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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