well you can't waste a boner
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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