S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
