It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
