she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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