literally had 100 drinks last night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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