she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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