he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
