i'm signing you up for texting rehab
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
