My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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