Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
