wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
