Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
