Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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