Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize