his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize