You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
