Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
