two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
