I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She even gives head with a lisp.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
