I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize