I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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