I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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