Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
