my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my liver is dry heaving
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
