I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish i was in the wii world.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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