i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
