That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
