we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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