Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
