Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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