I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
