I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The Olympian is in my bed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
